Everything had come to a head. We’d had another one of those ‘What should we do about Grandma” family meetings and my mom finally had the nerve to confront my Grandma about her health. It was not easy to get to this point and many tears had already been shed.

Last year my Grandma started to have problems with her digestion. She was always getting constipated. This was abnormal for her because she was someone that used to go at least once daily. We tried every kind of remedy from smooth move to colonics to release the build up, so to speak. Some things worked for a little while, but after a while, nothing was helping. She started losing a ton of weight. Actually, the weight loss was one of the first symptoms that we noticed. Over the course of several months she lost about 40 pounds. That was drastic for a slightly built woman of 5’1″.

Fast forward to January.

By this time, Grandma is on a diet of Ensure and clear liquids and she is having trouble keeping that down. When I talked to her on the phone, her voice was labored and she seemed to be having trouble coming up with words. I was concerned. I suggested that she let me take her to the hospital to get checked out. She got annoyed and wasn’t having it. After that call, my mom and I talked and she decided that the next Friday we were taking her to the hospital no matter what.

On Friday morning, we showed up at her house and we nearly bowled over by what we found. She was just a skeleton covered with a thin layer of skin. Her eyes were popping out of the sockets and her skin was so dry, she was shedding everywhere. My mom was devastated. I was too, but I knew that I had to be strong for both of them.

After about 4 hours of negotiating with her, we finally convinced her to let us take her to the hospital. She made me promise not to let them cut her. I made that promise. One that I would later break to save her life.

My Lesson

– Do what you think is right for your loved one. Even when they fight you tooth and nail about it. The drama from the confrontation is nothing compared to the regret of not doing anything at all.

Resources

– Most states have services for the elderly that includes therapists and social workers. Looking back, it would been helpful if we had engaged those resources very early on. That would’ve allowed us to be the ‘good guys’ and all of her angst would’ve been put on the outsider. That would’ve saved us a lot of stress and tears.